Week 14 Peer Review

Peer review for 김희정

5 points

• Technically perfect

• Follows the classical argument

• Displays an interesting and unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

• Thought provoking and captivating

• Clearly the product of extensive drafting and research

4 points

• Technically perfect

• Follows the classical argument

• Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

• Clearly the product of thorough drafting and research

3 points

• Follows the classical argument

• Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

• Some evidence of drafting and research

2 points

• Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

0 points

• Incomplete or inadequate

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
5 points. Her topic is attractive and I think she is good convincer. 

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
Grammar errors and there shouldn't be any question.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Shutdown law is unnecessary in Korea

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes.

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Shutdown law is inefficient in Korea.

Any other thoughts?
It will be better to use more appealing examples.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Yes.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
She used shocking real story.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
She explained the standard of game addiction and shutdown law. I think it is enough.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
Yes. It is adequate and possible. But I think she should refute them using more supports.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
Yes, she did well.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
She should improve her conclusion. Her conclusion is just filled with expert's opinion. She should add more her opinion.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
I totally agree.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I didn't change my mind.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
There are many examples that Korean pro-gamer can't continue in world's match because of Shut-down. It will be more appealing.

Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
Yes.

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes. 

Are the sources obvious?
She revealed the sources obviously.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
No. You did well ;)